Running on Empty
The important part about feeling burnt out is to recognize when it is coming on. Typically the signs for me would be a lackluster attitude towards the administrative side to counseling such as writing up my notes and evaluations, taking payment or calling new clients back, when previously I felt passionate towards the administrative contribution of building my private practice. I also notice that I am wishing for weekends to come sooner rather than later, or finding myself taking longer times to get the day started and waiting till the last minute to get going.
I have to regularly remind myself that taking a break to create a physical or mental distance is not reflective of my work ethic or whether or not I value helping others. It just means I am tired, worn out and spent. I have had to learn to rest when I am tired through:
managing my mental health with therapy, meditation, or journaling to prevent spiraling into the darkest depths
creating time to be outdoors or active in a way I haven’t made time for it recently like dancing or swimming
detaching from external negative stimuli, my mantra being Not my Circus, Not my Monkeys, or allowing grace
compassion for myself when things do not unfold as expected or planned
Perhaps the most pertinent coping skill for me is turning down the volume on self-judgment for external limitations on getting where I feel I “should” be by now. Some would say this is giving up or letting go of our standards; to me, it is being selective and distinguishing what is important and deserving of investing our emotional energy into. Being able to distinguish the values that require this energy is a strength. Owning where I am and my limitations when it is not where I want to be is very uncomfortable.
I have learned that taking the time to practice the pause, will help me to regenerate my emotional, mental and physical energy as well as allow room to reintroduce the point of why I chose this career or life path. We continue to grow and evolve with a shift in perception with every new experience or goal, so I try my best to accept and enjoy each day from a moment to moment basis. By being mindful of the various moments that constitute an entire day, I am then able to see the full range in the reel of pictures.
To manage life when it all feels overwhelming, start by becoming more aware of the signs of burnout for yourself. What does that look like, how does it feel physically, and what kinds of toll it takes on the physical and mental aspects of daily life. One way of recognizing what is happening is to stop what you are doing and take 5 deep breaths before starting analysis. HALT is an acronym commonly used in the field of psychotherapy for awareness and time to take action. Hungry Angry Lonely and Tired. When you are dealing with more than one of these symptoms at the same time, you are your own worst enemy and will be the victim of your subconscious. Self- deprecating messages run rampant and the likelihood of responding to a situation instead of reacting is slim to none. Therefore, when you notice more than one of these being off, stop what you are doing (HALT) and take care of what you can in the moment. If you are hungry, grab a snack. If you feel lonely, reach out to a friend, colleague or loved one. If you are angry, write down all the feelings behind the anger and a different reason behind each emotion to process it quickly and be able to set the anger aside. Once those needs are met, there will be more of a feeling of stability before you are able to carve out time to take a break.
Sometimes you don’t realize you are drowning when you are trying to be everyone else’s anchor. Living in a society where being on the go and achieving the next goal is glamourized, it is important to recognize the need for daily self care and a monthly mental health day to maintain our own sense of passion for life as well as to prevent burnout.
1. The goal for a mental health day is to completely check out from everything that keeps us tethered to our regular sense of reality. For me that would be my work phone, emails, social media and anyone that feels as though they take more emotional energy than they invest in us. Remember, taking time for yourself doesn't mean me first, it means, me too.
2. Find total escapism. We love vacations because of the ability to leave it all behind and as much as I would love to hop on a plane to the nearest beach once a month, my life, career and family responsibilities do not allow for that... just yet hahah. In the meantime, we must be able to create a space that feels like our own little hideaway. It could be a spa day, to get hair, nails and massage done, or it could be a home spa day where there are specific masks, polishes or pampering routines can be completed that is reserved only for that day once a month. I have a basket of bath oils, skin care treatments, wine and candles that is reserved JUST for this day. During the following weeks after my mental health day, I buy random goodies in anticipation of my next self care day. There are also specific dedicated areas in my home that is JUST for me; my library and my outdoor screened in porch. The children are not allowed in my library because that is my place to escape from the world when I am reading. I will light candles, make a cup of steaming, delicious coffee and the babies (Teens NOT babies) are aware that it is my time and only to come find me if there is a catastrophe.
3. Allow for activities that ignite our passions. I adore dancing. Learning new dances or practicing routines that I have choreographed. I will make time to feel the excitement of just losing myself in the music whether it is waltzing around the living room with my cat, or taking a weekend lesson at the local community center or if I am really high on life, I may find an outdoor club and dance the night away. Find physical activities that remind you of the joy in being alive.
Remember, the point of living is to live. Feel the emotions; good, bad, exhilarating or ugly. Allow yourself to remember that success isn’t about pushing yourself to the breaking point, we can’t enjoy all the hard work we put in if we are too drained and unwell from the effort.