We often imagine healing to be a magical, linear process. However, true healing holistically combines the wellness of the mind, heart, and body, and that can take a lot of hard work. Understanding how the three are intertwined may be difficult, but the link between body and mind has actually been scientifically proven by studies around the world.

The PAAH cites international programs that have revealed how physical activity guidelines can reduce onset, incidence, and severity of depression, while also mitigating stress and anxiety.

How does this happen? Let’s take a closer look at the connections.

conflict, Emotions, general, mental health, self help, self esteemhabiba zamanSeptember 5, 2022healing, burnout, body, physical health, emotinal healthComment

I Choose To Truly LIVE

The sense of not quite feeling like we are enough can almost always be traced back to being an outsider in your own family. This feeling as if they had sensed the lack in you early on saying that you didn’t fit in with what they believed in or how they behaved. There is a pain that comes from constant disapproval; a sense of having lost something unnamed, unknown. Kristin Hannah shared, ‘All you can do is to survive it by being quiet, by not demanding are seeking attention, by excepting that you are loved, but Unliked’.

This nagging disapproval will more itself into the negative self-talk asking ‘What do you have to show for your life? How would your time on this earth be marked? Would anyone remember you, and if so for what?’

Finding Confidence In Who You Are

Who I am today and the woman you experience me to be, is not the woman I was 6 years ago. There are things I can say and do that I would not have the courage to do years ago. The adventures I have partaken in, the experiences I have said yes to, or even the boundaries I have set for myself are as foreign to me now if I had been told 6 years ago that this is who I would become.

Don’t get me wrong, I have always been the same person at the core. So, what is the drastic change? I have always been empathic and kind. I was intuitive; however, I did not trust my own intuition. I would be the container for my clients, friends, children, and partners emotions/ experiences- yet I would not set boundaries or point out what I am perceiving and speak on my intuition until I had an exuberant amount of evidence to prove my point.

Does Our Sense Of Purpose Have To Come From Our Careers?

We grow up with everyone from our parents, family members, peers and teachers asking us what we want to be when we grow up. Having that question asked from an age as early as 5yrs old, imprints on us the need to have a greater sense of meaning from our careers. We oftentimes conflate purpose with our careers also because we spend a majority of our day at work, or other activities associated with our jobs.

Having a sense of purpose defines why what we are doing is worthwhile and brings with it feelings of passion, and drive. We have our days outlined and defined by what society deems to be important, and if that is not in alignment with what we value, we start to wonder what the point of all the effort is.

Language Of Apology

A violation of a value causes emotional pain especially when the love language that you rely on to feel belonging, acceptance or deep regard is then contradicted. Insults can leave you shattered and those words are not easily forgotten (Words of Affirmation). Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be essentially hurtful (Quality Time). A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures (Receiving Gifts). Laziness, broken commitments, and creating additional work, communicates to receivers of this language that their feelings don’t matter (Acts of Service). And finally, physical distancing, neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive (Physical Touch).

5 Steps to Heal from Gaslighting

How to Tell If Someone Is Gaslighting You

-New Port Institute/ Mental Health

With more young people talking openly about mental health, gaslighting has become an increasingly common topic among this age group over the last few years. Gaslighting and other forms of emotional abuse have also shown up in popular media recently—for example, in the Netflix series Maid, the novel and movie The Girl on the Train, and the reality TV show The Bachelorette.

Overall, that’s a good thing, because greater awareness around this form of emotional abuse can help people avoid threatening and unhealthy relationships. But before you accuse someone of this behavior, it’s important to understand what gaslighting really means and how to look for the signs of gaslighting in a relationship.

Let’s take a closer look at the definition and origin of the word gaslighting, the mental health impact of this behavior, and how to tell if someone is gaslighting you.

Surviving the Holidays

The holidays are a time of love, laughter and joy; or at least ideally that’s what we all want them to be. It is the perfect presentation of the romanticized view we hold of love, family, and romance (Every kiss begins with Kay!). The Commercials reflect the joy, connection, and wholesome embrace of goodwill and peace. It is also the perfect recipe for comparison and feeling slapped with the loneliness of being reminded of everything you do not have and not being where you should be. Chances are that the realities of the holidays are filled with stress, loneliness and disappointment especially when you are not able to spend quality time with those you love.

A common theme during the holidays is the slight despondence of where we are relationally. The pressure of either following through with the expectations of the relationships we hold, or of being involved in the societal expectations of having family and relationships. This time can really highlight our own insecurities of what is and what should be.

When feeling overwhelmed, consider the following tips:

Coping Without Closure

‘Are you happy? Would you tell me if you weren’t? Would I realize it if I wasn’t?’

How do you define happy? Was happy the emotion that I felt? As I lay against him and aligned my breathing with his, I realized the thing I actually felt was safe. I saw that I associated safety with love and subsequently with happy. Normal people probably take the feeling of safety for granted. They only notice when they suddenly feel unsafe. There was something odd in his voice that I couldn’t decipher. I was attuned to changes in people, although I would always second guess and doubt my instincts. Since mine could clearly not be trusted, I would have to rely on their answers to find truth…

Holding On or Letting Go?

With the holiday season approaching, it is the perfect representation of the romanticized view we hold of love, family, and romance (Every kiss begins with Kay!). The Commercials reflect the joy, connection, and wholesome embrace of goodwill and peace. It is also the perfect recipe for comparison and feeling slapped with the loneliness of being reminded of everything you do not have and not being where you should be.

A common theme during the holidays is the slight despondence of where we are relationally. The pressure of either following through with the expectations of the relationships we hold, or of being involved in the societal expectations of having family and relationships. This time can really highlight our own insecurities of what is and what should be.

Naturally, we want to be with someone who accepts the person we are. In any relationship, we look for those who will make us their priority as we often do for those who are important. Ideally, we hope for people who are present and want to know and understand everything about us. We wish to have them be devoted to us and who is dependable to share life with. We wish to find a mirrored companion: someone to give you a reflection of something similar to what you are offering.

Oftentimes, the reality of the experiences we tend to have- or may have faced in the past- are less than ideal. Expectations are not met and the feeling of being cared for in the way we hoped didn’t pan out. Instead of being truly seen and fully accepted, we run into conflict, emotional turmoil or even distortion of reality in these relationships.

Running on Empty

The important part about feeling burnt out is to recognize when it is coming on. Typically the signs for me would be a lackluster attitude towards the administrative side to counseling such as writing up my notes and evaluations, taking payment or calling new clients back, when previously I felt passionate towards the administrative contribution of building my private practice. I also notice that I am wishing for weekends to come sooner rather than later, or finding myself taking longer times to get the day started and waiting till the last minute to get going.

I have to regularly remind myself that taking a break to create a physical or mental distance is not reflective of my work ethic or whether or not I value helping others. It just means…

The Masks We Wear

Ever feel like a fraud or a fake, just gliding through life pretending to be a version of yourself that does not really exist? You’re certainly not alone. 70% of the population have at one point or another experienced this phenomenon called the Imposter Syndrome, though for some, it seems as though this feeling lurks around every corner, nearly every day. Impostor syndrome was first identified in 1978 by psychologists Pauline Rose Clance and Suzanne Imes based on the idea that one’s successes are due to luck, chance or someone else’s involvement and not because of one’s own talent, personal traits or qualifications.

In what areas of your life have you experienced impostor syndrome? This feeling of being an imposter has stained every area of my life as a mom, as a therapist, a business owner, and as an author. Truly, it has been in every transformation through the stages of my life. Stemming from fear of not being worthy of having what is in front of me and feeling as though the privilege needs to be earned and proved regularly.

Embracing Your Glorious Mess

Who are you in the vast sea of all the characters we play in this life? Do you respect, appreciate, protect, vouch for, and accept who you are in all that makes you uniquely you? Self-love comes from experiencing love, and also having trust in the protection and safety that was present in your early childhood. Along with that security that you are loved and cared for, there has to be the element of acceptance- Acceptance to be who you are at all times without consequence. Without the acceptance to be you, it is difficult to cultivate a sense of belonging and subconscious love of who you are and what you have to offer. We often confuse the loving behaviors from your family with the acceptance of who we are as a person.

Is This What I Want? Authenticity vs. Conditioning

Relationships in any degree can be the most amazing experience in how we connect with one another with the meaning and importance they hold for us. In other words, we revel in the way they make us feel about ourselves and our place in the world. I have friends where the conversations do not need to be in full or complete sentences and they just get me and get what I am trying to say. We finish each other’s sentences and can even portray our message through charades, a look, or a crafty raise of the eyebrow. Seems magical and in these moments, all feels right with the world. Afterall, we humans do not exist in isolation, nor are we immune from the interactions and emotions of the people around us. Instead, our emotions and sense of self are shaped by, and a part of, an emotional system created originally by our family and continued by the involvement with our social circle.

Are You A People Pleaser?

Untangling Beliefs Behind People Pleasing

The golden rule: Do unto others as you would want them to do for you… Globally we are taught this lesson as children in a way to instill empathy- a core value in the human condition. Put yourself in their shoes and see how you would feel right? So in theory, other people you encounter should also be doing this for you… Is that how it always is though? Are all relationships reciprocal? Do you get back what you invest in the people around you to the same degree?

Insomnia During a Breakup

There is an actual name for a broken heart: Takotsubo Cardiomyopathy. This long-winded word means extreme stress from heartbreak, and it is a very real experience some people have to go through.

Heartbreak is a living, breathing personal torment that most of us encounter at one point or another in our lives. The loss of love can present itself in a form so severe, the grief can leave room for many other serious conditions such as insomnia, loss of appetite, depression, anxiety and even suicide or death.

“It has been concluded that rejection and emotional and physical pain are all processed in the same regions of the brain,” says Aimee Barr, LCSW. “The experience of heartbreak is so potent that researchers have concluded that those who have recently been through a breakup display similar brain activity when shown photos of their loved one as they do when in physical pain.”

She continues, “I believe that heartbreak is one of the most emotionally grueling experiences anyone can go through.”

Such severe emotions no doubt have a profound effect on your sleep, when memories of happier times can creep into your mind and invade your thoughts when you’re trying to fall asleep at night. When you are moving on from heartbreak, sleep can feel like the enemy.

Stronger Than You Think

The end of the year is universally a time for reflection over how we have interacted with the different aspects of our lives. With as tumultuous and uncertain this year has represented, it may feel daunting to revisit how things may have unfolded. For most, it is been a year of finding new meaning of existing and navigating our way through life. For me, it has felt more like being surrounded by glass walls where I can see exactly where I want to go, but instead ramming my face into the barriers this year has inadvertently presented.

It is easier to recall all the ways our plans have unraveled as the year progressed. We could have been excited to seek adventure in relationships, partnerships and collaborations. Perhaps we were looking for new friendships to join in on our explorations or focused more on learning new truths about ourselves at the start of this year.

I would like to present an invitation to join me in navigating ways that we have cultivated strength this year.

Learning To Love Yourself

Self-love begins with inner-balance and peace. We have to recognize all the experiences, beliefs, and perceptions that make up who we are. They represent the different aspects of you, which must be brought into harmony in order to regain standpoint of self-love. We can heal any wound, and free ourselves from suffering whenever we choose to view our experiences through the lens of acceptance.

Do you have difficulty with truly loving yourself? Are you able to open your heart and be completely honest about who you are, and what you feel? Are you able to look at where you are at in life right now with tolerance and inner peace?

conflict, Emotions, general, mental health, Motivation, relationship, self esteem, self helphabiba zamanNovember 5, 2020self love, self worth, acceptance, growth, love, relationshipsComment

Personifying Your Struggles- My Lady In Black

Have you ever felt tension or sick and you’re not sure why? In this blog post, I discuss depression and how to find it.

So Loved, Yet So Alone

conflict, Emotions, general, mental health, Motivation, relationship, self esteem, self helphabiba zamanSeptember 29, 2020attachment, awareness, adversity, avoidance, anxiety, values, panic attack, healing, self help, self worth, therapy, strength, emotions, resolution, relationships, depressionComment

Can't Seem To Get Motivated: What Gives?

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