A violation of a value causes emotional pain especially when the love language that you rely on to feel belonging, acceptance or deep regard is then contradicted. Insults can leave you shattered and those words are not easily forgotten (Words of Affirmation). Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be essentially hurtful (Quality Time). A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures (Receiving Gifts). Laziness, broken commitments, and creating additional work, communicates to receivers of this language that their feelings don’t matter (Acts of Service). And finally, physical distancing, neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive (Physical Touch).
Read MoreHow to Tell If Someone Is Gaslighting You
-New Port Institute/ Mental Health
With more young people talking openly about mental health, gaslighting has become an increasingly common topic among this age group over the last few years. Gaslighting and other forms of emotional abuse have also shown up in popular media recently—for example, in the Netflix series Maid, the novel and movie The Girl on the Train, and the reality TV show The Bachelorette.
Overall, that’s a good thing, because greater awareness around this form of emotional abuse can help people avoid threatening and unhealthy relationships. But before you accuse someone of this behavior, it’s important to understand what gaslighting really means and how to look for the signs of gaslighting in a relationship.
Let’s take a closer look at the definition and origin of the word gaslighting, the mental health impact of this behavior, and how to tell if someone is gaslighting you.
Read MoreThe holidays are a time of love, laughter and joy; or at least ideally that’s what we all want them to be. It is the perfect presentation of the romanticized view we hold of love, family, and romance (Every kiss begins with Kay!). The Commercials reflect the joy, connection, and wholesome embrace of goodwill and peace. It is also the perfect recipe for comparison and feeling slapped with the loneliness of being reminded of everything you do not have and not being where you should be. Chances are that the realities of the holidays are filled with stress, loneliness and disappointment especially when you are not able to spend quality time with those you love.
A common theme during the holidays is the slight despondence of where we are relationally. The pressure of either following through with the expectations of the relationships we hold, or of being involved in the societal expectations of having family and relationships. This time can really highlight our own insecurities of what is and what should be.
When feeling overwhelmed, consider the following tips:
Read More‘Are you happy? Would you tell me if you weren’t? Would I realize it if I wasn’t?’
How do you define happy? Was happy the emotion that I felt? As I lay against him and aligned my breathing with his, I realized the thing I actually felt was safe. I saw that I associated safety with love and subsequently with happy. Normal people probably take the feeling of safety for granted. They only notice when they suddenly feel unsafe. There was something odd in his voice that I couldn’t decipher. I was attuned to changes in people, although I would always second guess and doubt my instincts. Since mine could clearly not be trusted, I would have to rely on their answers to find truth…
Read MoreThe important part about feeling burnt out is to recognize when it is coming on. Typically the signs for me would be a lackluster attitude towards the administrative side to counseling such as writing up my notes and evaluations, taking payment or calling new clients back, when previously I felt passionate towards the administrative contribution of building my private practice. I also notice that I am wishing for weekends to come sooner rather than later, or finding myself taking longer times to get the day started and waiting till the last minute to get going.
I have to regularly remind myself that taking a break to create a physical or mental distance is not reflective of my work ethic or whether or not I value helping others. It just means…
Read MoreFear is a natural emotion and yet I would argue that it is the strongest of all the reactions to life. It manifests in various colorful ways including anxiety, cautiousness, rejection, doubt etc. Take a moment and write down what fear means… The definition of the emotion as well as the many ways it presents in your life.
As I am sitting here attempting to explain this, I find myself stuck after 3 sentences. For such an enormous emotion, I am struggling with identifying exactly how to define it. From a psychological point, fear is a primitive reaction that alerts us to a potential threat. It presents in a cognitive as well as a physiological manner that can be felt through real or perceived threats.
Read MoreEver feel like a fraud or a fake, just gliding through life pretending to be a version of yourself that does not really exist? You’re certainly not alone. 70% of the population have at one point or another experienced this phenomenon called the Imposter Syndrome, though for some, it seems as though this feeling lurks around every corner, nearly every day. Impostor syndrome was first identified in 1978 by psychologists Pauline Rose Clance and Suzanne Imes based on the idea that one’s successes are due to luck, chance or someone else’s involvement and not because of one’s own talent, personal traits or qualifications.
In what areas of your life have you experienced impostor syndrome? This feeling of being an imposter has stained every area of my life as a mom, as a therapist, a business owner, and as an author. Truly, it has been in every transformation through the stages of my life. Stemming from fear of not being worthy of having what is in front of me and feeling as though the privilege needs to be earned and proved regularly.
Read MoreThe end of the year is universally a time for reflection over how we have interacted with the different aspects of our lives. With as tumultuous and uncertain this year has represented, it may feel daunting to revisit how things may have unfolded. For most, it is been a year of finding new meaning of existing and navigating our way through life. For me, it has felt more like being surrounded by glass walls where I can see exactly where I want to go, but instead ramming my face into the barriers this year has inadvertently presented.
It is easier to recall all the ways our plans have unraveled as the year progressed. We could have been excited to seek adventure in relationships, partnerships and collaborations. Perhaps we were looking for new friendships to join in on our explorations or focused more on learning new truths about ourselves at the start of this year.
I would like to present an invitation to join me in navigating ways that we have cultivated strength this year.
Read MoreThis year has taught us collectively the power we hold to be resilient. For some, it has been a time for self- awareness, focus on health and family, courage to face and challenge unhealthy behavior or relational patterns, and a chance to go inward and find what we truly hold dear. For others, (myself included) it has been more of a demented roller coaster of coping, balancing roles and responsibilities and overall trying to keep a hold of the already overflowing platter of expectations to just make it through the day.
No matter where you fall on this spectrum, affirm that what you are doing, and what you have to offer is enough.
Read MoreAdversity. What does that look like to you? How do you go about managing it and coping?
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